Wednesday, June 18, 2014

my husbandfriend

Dave and I aren't married. When I refer to him and have to say "my boyfriend", I feel like I'm 16. Why?? We have been together for almost 7 years and have an amazing 2 year old. We both are completely happy and comfortable with our relationship.
Talking to a group of moms at the playground, they are all talking about their husbands and then I say my boyfriend... It seems like they stop taking me serious. Their relationships obviously are way more meaningful than mine.
I sometimes just say husband and then feel dumb because it isn't true and why should I care? I could say partner but I feel like I'm talking about someone I work with. Signifiant Other sounds like an online term. As soon as I say "my boyfriend" I want to add "OMG he is soooo cute". Because again I'm 16. My sister calls her fiance her husbandfriend. I might have to steal that.
Are you in a longterm relationship and not married? What do you call each other?


  1. Hmmm, my mom always says she and my dad got married because in her 30s she thought boyfriend sounded dumb, and back then partner was really only used by homosexual partners.

    I say boyfriend about my boyfriend, but I know what you makes the relationship sound less serious, like you might have only been together a few months or something. I'm thinking of getting married (in a low-key way) for various reasons (papers, etc.) but also partly for the same reason as my mom.

    I know my cousin always refers to the mother of his two children as his wife though, even though they're not married. And some family friends of my parents do the same. I would just push through the feeling silly part and go that route. :)

  2. I call Dave my brother. He's my brother who is partnered with my sister. That sounds fine, right?

    Also, Tory has referred to me as wife even though we aren't married. And our sons refer to each other as brothers.

    Words can be so difficult and confusing!

    ps you and Dave are precious!

  3. It's hard being the minority. You'll be common law in a few years so you can say husband ;0)

  4. It's amazing how our peers can be so judgmental. I am sorry you are made to feel that way. Funny part is, you have probably been in a much more meaningful and longer relationships than some of these women have with their husbands. Do what works for you!

  5. Hmmm very interesting! I guess I never thought about it, but isn't he basically your husband anyway? I would go with whatever you like to call him and who cares what people say!

  6. I can understand your discomfort. We often use very specific terms to help classify items/relationships/etc. but in the process these terms can exclude and alienate.

  7. That stinks! Honestly, I never even thought about that, but now that you write it, I can see how uncomfortable that could be in certain situations. <--Though it shouldn't be! I like husbandfriend. You should totally go with that:) Be who you are...who cares. You are teaching your daughter more than you know that way!

  8. I totally get that my husband and I dated for 7 years and lived together for 2 of them before getting married. I felt like no one took us seriously even though we owned a home and shared a life together until we were married.